Back to Safety

I was just reminiscing back to when my then-husband and I bought a house. Anyone who has purchased a home before understands that even after you just coughed up more money than you ever have in your life for the downpayment, closing costs, fees, etc. there’s a whole bunch of other costs that just seem to show up.

At this point I had been in practice for six years and business was good. Purchasing a home was brand new to me. I was so worried about these new expenses (actual and potential) that I started to consider picking up a few restaurant shifts to make extra cash. It’s what I did to put myself through school and I was good at it. I submitted my resume to a few Craigslist ads. One replied:

I’m interested in setting up an interview, but I have to ask… if you own your own business why are you looking for restaurant work? 

Hmmm… good question. 

I replied back: You know, I’m now asking myself that same thing. Thank you.

The new scary leap I took in buying a home pinged my brain to start falling back on familiar stories and feelings. In reality just adding two more patient visits a week would have equaled the amount of money I would have made in an entire weekend hustling tables or bartending, but my brain still thought that it would be an easier path to have someone pay me to work than to create the money myself. It was not the easier path. It was the (perceived) safer path because it was familiar and I had proof of it working for me in the past. Somehow the six years of running my own practice wasn’t strong enough proof to myself that I could increase my income. I was still doubting what I was capable of and what was possible under my own power. 

Our brains are very clever at convincing us to go back to the safety of what we know. But each time you move past your primitive brain’s clever tricks, you lay down new neural pathways and the easier it become to trust yourself. You form a stronger and stronger relationship with yourself. 

What “safe” spot have you been falling back to?