The Three Words That Steal Your Dreams and Keep You Stuck

I. 

Don’t. 

Know.

When I was a kid I would ask my mom “can you reach that for me?” as I’m pointing to something out of my reach in the kitchen cabinet. Her classic Pat Ong reply would be “A monkey would know what to do.” Which was my cue to go grab a chair or step stool and climb up to get whatever I needed myself. 

If I asked her “what does xx mean?”, again her reply was “A monkey would know what to do.” That prompted me to go to the bookshelf and look up the answer in the encyclopedia. This one wasn’t nearly as obvious because I’m not sure if monkeys can actually do that?

This little quip was her way of telling me to figure it out for myself and also a reminder that if I just paused for a minute to think I would realize that I was actually capable of finding the answers to what I’m looking for on my own. I also didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t smarter than a monkey (still up for debate). 

“I don’t know” is an avoidance tactic. It’s seemingly much easier to just get the answers instead of finding them on your own. On the surface this can simply be viewed as laziness, but in reality it’s fear. And more specifically, fear of failure. When you claim ignorance then there are no expectations put on you or accountability. “I don’t know” is a very powerful shield from the scariness of the unknown. It acts like a warm blanket that gives you the validation to stay where you are. It’s a limiting belief that keeps you stuck and prevents you from ever getting started. 

In this day an age where we have the existence of the internet, everything is figure out-able. Whether it’s the actual answer to what you need or a resource that will lead you to what you need, it is all out there. The access to books, courses, videos, catalogs, libraries, webinars, coaches, consultants… whatever you need is all at your fingertips. 

Our brains are wired with a defense mechanism that when we are faced with an unknown it immediately prepares us for the worst. This results in us having thoughts that affect our feelings that result in our actions (or inactions). Luckily, as humans we are able to interrupt this and change our thought process. This is where coaching would help.

If you have been holding back on taking action because you don’t know how (or who, what, where, when, or why)… pause and breathe. As I just pointed out above, the answers are out there and you just have to find them. Now, instead of trying to solve the whole thing at once break it up in to bites and instead of telling yourself that you “don’t know how to”, reframe it to “I’m learning how to…” and go from there. 

A monkey would know what to do. 🐒