Are you a Passive Participant?
If you share finances with a spouse or partner are you the one in the relationship who says something along the lines of “Oh I suck at that so he/she handles the finances.”?
It’s common for one person in a relationship to be “better” at handling the money than the other. Each individual in a relationship has their strengths and weaknesses. And therefore the division of household responsibilities tend to naturally fall toward each individual accordingly. Sometimes one person is actually more educated on finances than the other, but more often than not one person isn’t actually better. They can be just as clueless as the other, but they’re just more willing to dive in and take on the responsibility.
Handling your money is different than household chores. It’s not a task like cleaning the bathroom or folding the laundry. This is the kind of thing that has a direct effect on your present, your future, your stability, and your safety. Sticking your head in the sand and being hands-off puts you in a potentially vulnerable and certainly disempowered position. There are many stories out there of people who put full trust in their partner to handle everything, then they end up in a financial mess because it turns out they didn’t know what they were doing at all and were too ashamed/afraid/proud to say anything. Or they find out their partner has been hiding money from them, or has been racking up hundreds of thousands of debt behind their back. Or the relationship ends suddenly and the passive participant has no idea if money is owed or entitled to them or even how to manage it on their own.
I know I’m sounding like a bit of a catastrophist right now. Some of the above are extreme examples. And I’m not saying that y’all need to start keeping a close watch on your partner for mischievous behavior. My point is that when it comes to finances, no one in a relationship should be a passive participant. No one should be in the dark about a very important piece of a domestic relationship. And being hands-off can be really frustrating and hurtful to the one who is doing all the work to keep things together, which can lead to a build up of resentment. It’s SO important for both people to work TOGETHER when it comes to their finances. One small habit that can make all the difference is for both partners to come together once or twice a month to do a budget meeting and make sure you’re on the same page. Our colleague, Eric Snyder, and his wife have a great system where they trade off handling the finances on a quarterly basis to keep the responsibilities equitable and both parties are equally engaged. I love this!
So if you have been a passive participant when it comes to finances, it’s time to step up and become an ACTIVE participant for both your sake and the sake of your relationship. Because finances are more than just a household task. They involve trust, transparency, communication, maturity, and partnership. Finances are not laundry. Mysteriously losing one sock in the dryer doesn’t have the same implications as mysteriously losing track of a few thousand dollars.