Arrival Fallacy

This is a favorite subject of mine to discuss because it’s something that almost everyone, including myself, gets caught up in.

Most of us set goals, whether long-term or short. Sometimes they are simply personal achievement goals, like completing a marathon. Most of the time we set goals to attain something that we think will bring us happiness. Thinking along the lines of “If I just achieve this then my life will be better.” And most of the time we reach those goals and it does provide some temporary satisfaction, but eventually we are back to where we started, searching for satisfaction again. All that work to get to a place only to still feel a void. So we set a new goal to achieve that happiness. And so on…

This is what’s called an Arrival Fallacy. The illusion that you will find happiness or long-term satisfaction by attaining something, changing your circumstances, or being someone else. It is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. If you’re unsatisfied and finding yourself saying “I’ll be happy when…” or “My problems will be over when…” you’re getting caught up in an Arrival Fallacy. You are making your happiness dependent on your achievements and circumstances.

A few ways this plays out for self-employed clinicians is: I’ll be happy with my practice and my life when…

✅ I double my patient/client visits.

✅ I double my revenue/collections.

✅ I hit $X gross or net income.

✅ I have X number of treatment rooms.

✅ I hire staff.

✅ I open a second clinic.

✅ I can buy that car, pool, house, etc…

These particular goals can be rooted from external expectations, such as societal constructs or ones generated within your professional field. And can often be fueled by our own internal inadequacies (like trying to make up for the things we didn’t have in our past). We see big players in our fields proudly sharing their successful practices and great lifestyles, as they should, but this unintentionally rustles up some of these inadequacy issues in others. They start thinking:

That person has a great life and practice 👉 I want to have a great life and practice 👉 I need to do what they do.

Well, what they do may not be authentically YOU. And suddenly you’re living someone else’s life. And because you’re basing your happiness on someone else’s life and goals you end up struggling to achieve the markers you put upon yourself. And when you do achieve them you’re not any happier. And if you don’t achieve them you’re racked with guilt and blaming yourself for having a crappy mindset or not working hard enough. You’re operating in a way that is incongruent with who you are and what you really want. Which, my friends, leads to burnout and resentment. Let me know if this sounds familiar to you.

So what are a couple of things you can you do to avoid getting caught up in an Arrival Fallacy?

1. Dr. Ben-Shahar says that the No. 1 predictor of happiness is the “quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. In other words, relationships.” So rather than focusing on professional or monetary achievements, start focusing on achieving great relationships with those you love, people in your community, and those you want in your network.

2. Sit down and take an honest look at what you really want. And I’m not talking about monetary goals. Go deeper and beyond that. What would that monetary goal bring you? What would each achievement that you are putting on yourself provide to you? What are you doing it all for? And why do you think those particular achievements are the key to your happiness and ideal life? It’s also important to ask yourself what you DON’T want.

What are some Arrival Fallacies that you have experienced?