Familiarity vs. Comfort

A friend of mine from my restaurant days a million years ago said “You don’t know what you like. You like what you know.” This was in response to a coworker who was dismissing a dish as “weird” and not seeing any need in trying it because “I know what I like”. 

Our brains have a base level mechanism built in to protect us from danger, avoid pain, and seek comfort in the familiar. It is this mechanism that has kept animals alive over the course of history. At this point in time this primal mechanism doesn’t have quite the same usefulness as it used to because in the modern world we don’t need to put that much effort in to staying fed, warm, or safe from danger. No sabertooth tigers in site here. These days “danger” is anything unfamiliar to us. 

In order to grow and move forward we have to consciously and purposefully operate outside of this default state of survival mode. And one good place to start is to understand the difference between familiarity and comfort. 

When we try to introduce something new, most of us will experience a moment of excitement for the benefits this new thing will bring us. Then our thoughts move to the actions needed to take to get it done. At that point the mind turns on its self-defense mechanism and before you know it you are talking yourself out of doing the new thing that you were excited about just seconds before and are now back at a place of comfort and familiarity. But is it really a comfortable place to be? A familiar place is simply a place that we already know, but that isn't always comfortable. An example is when a person in an abusive or toxic relationship wants to leave, but doesn’t. Leaving is actually the safer and more comfortable place to be, but it’s unknown. So they stay with what’s familiar. This not only happens in relationships, but also with decisions in your clinic, your personal growth plan, setting goals, deciding on what to eat… anything. 

So think back to the last time you wanted to take action, but then didn’t follow through and ask yourself: did you fall back to what was familiar or did you go back to what was comfortable?