Comparison
Something that comes up quite a bit with my coaching clients and causes a lot of stress for them is their thoughts about what should and shouldn’t be.
“I SHOULD be seeing this many patients per week.”
“I SHOULD be making this kind of income.”
“I SHOULD work this many days.”
“I SHOULDN’T be so tired.”
“This SHOULDN’T be so hard.”
Etc...
When I ask where these opinions of should and shouldn’t are coming from almost always it’s because they went on social media and saw what their peers are doing and started comparing themselves to them. It’s hard not to because their clinics are rocking, they’re making great money, their patients are all getting better, they’re happy and satisfied and loving life.
And that may be the case (and more power to them!). It may also be the case that some of these people are embellishing the facts to impress people and make themselves feel good. And some people may be straight up lying for whatever reason. What’s most likely happening is that people tend to only share the good and glamorous stuff and strategically leave out the ugly stuff. And there is DEFINITELY ugly stuff!
For example: The above picture is of me right before going on a coaching call. From the client’s perspective I have my hair and makeup done with natural light coming through the window of my cute little house in Vermont. In reality I’m in a spare bedroom under fill lights to create that perfect natural light look. The wooden screen is hiding a disorganized mess on the bureau behind it. There’s cups and notes everywhere and I’m in sweatpants.
It is completely unrealistic to expect life to be 100% all good stuff. No one has it all and you have no idea what anyone’s whole story is. Plus, what fulfills one person may not be thing who fulfills you. So to compare yourself to the images that people are putting out, that’s just going to bring you a whole bunch of pain, resentment, self-pity, and other negative feelings. And since our feelings drive our actions that lead to our results, trying to move yourself forward from a place of comparison will not end well. Someone who feels like they are a piece of crap generally doesn’t go on to do great things.
There are far more useful ways to use your brain power. Such as choosing to think of other’s successes in a way that makes you feel inspired. What you create and how you show up in your life when feeling inspired is totally different than when you’re feeling like someone who is falling short, right?
The next time you’re feeling a negative emotion caused by comparison, pause and sit with that feeling. Notice the thoughts that you’re having and write them down. See what results you are creating by thinking and feeling this way and see how that causes you to show up in the world and if it’s bringing you closer to your ideal life. If you need help with this, reach out to me.