Regret
Out of all the emotions, feeling regret is one of the most painful for most people. Regret comes from something that happened in the past. And since it’s in the past that means there’s nothing you can do to change it to make you feel better about it.
When working with people through feelings of regret I establish with them first that because it has to do with something in the past then we treat it as a factual circumstance. It happened the way it happened and there’s nothing that can change that. So when someone is feeling regret, they are essentially arguing with their past and arguing facts. And thus setting themself up for an argument they will never win and are only causing themselves pain. You can’t change the past and you can’t release regret by beating yourself up. It actually does the exact opposite.
This is not to say that regret can’t be useful. Regret can be one of the most powerful and life-altering emotions you can have because regret can often result in change and ultimately growth if you make the conscious choice to use it that way. If you are faced with regret it means you had an experience that can be learned from. This is a place where you can really dive in and own your mistakes, shortcomings, and decisions and then do some heavy work to understand why you behaved the way you did so that you can show up different next time. You now have evidence of what your results will be when you choose your old thought patterns. This space can be a treasure trove of lessons for growth, change, and moving forward. But you have to consciously choose to use it that way.
I often remind clients (and myself) “You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.” It’s a way to remind them that they would not be where they are now if everything that happened in the past didn’t happen as it did. It’s an antidote for when they fall in to the trap of regret and arguing with the past.
What are some regrets that you have been holding on to? What results in your life is that bringing you? How can you reframe your regret in to gratitude?