Don’t Change Until You’re Happy
When people become dissatisfied or stuck in a situation, such as an employment position, a relationship, their practice, etc. very often the first thing they do is try to change things up. Such as: learn a new modality, change their fee structure, hire a business coach to learn new systems, implement new software, hire employees or contractors, move to a new location… And by making these changes they feel some relief and excitement again. But after some time they are back to feeling dissatisfied and again, looking for the next new thing.
I have talked about this before in other posts. When someone seeks happiness and satisfaction by achieving an external circumstance it’s what’s called an Arrival Fallacy. The problem with relying on external circumstances to determine your happiness is that 1. External circumstances can change or even disappear at any time and 2. It doesn’t actually address the root of your dissatisfaction. Which is why no matter how many external changes you make you will always eventually end up unhappy again.
When I work with coaching clients who are dissatisfied with what is going on in their life or work and are trying to make the decision of whether or not to change their situation to be happier I tell them:
Don’t leave your situation until you are happy in your situation.
This may sound confusing at first, but what this piece of advice is telling you is that you need to understand the root of your dissatisfaction and start there. Happiness and satisfaction comes from within and does not change when the external environment changes. You are not relying on external circumstances to make you feel at peace. This does not apply if you are in an abusive situation.
If you can be happy making $30k a year then you can be happy making $200k year. And you will still be happy if something beyond your control happens and you go back down to $30k. Making financial achievements the driver of your success and happiness is a tenuous goal.
If you can be happy alone then you can be happy with a partner. And since your happiness is not dependent on the other person, you will carry that in to any relationship you start and end.
If you have been following me you have heard me talk about how our thoughts are the driver of our feelings, actions, and results. If you have a certain belief or way of thinking that is rooted in you, no matter how many external changes you make you will always have the root way of thinking and the result will always be the same. This type of work is not easy, but is definitely worth it. If you could use some help with reworking your thoughts and mindset, reach out to me.